Category Archives: LIFE

You Can Heal Depression Yourself

The depression cycle

The depression cycle

It can happen to any one depression can is something that does happen and nobody has been given an exemption card for it. As each day passes you find that you can not lift a finger to do anything, life is not worth living, and time just slips away, and each day you find that you are getting deeper and deeper into the black hole of despair. But you can turn your depression into happiness, by changing some things for yourself day in day out, if you suspect that your depression is overwhelming for you then do seek professional advice and help after all that is what they are their for and would be more than happy to assist you.   

We can all experience depression from time to time such as you lose your job, or your relationship ends or someone you love passes on, some people unfortunately stay blue for months and even years. Of course it does take time to get over things, but you need to understand that life keeps moving and you make sad feelings the exception in your life and not the rule.

Do what you love

If you have some interests or hobbies, and you are feeling down, then why not get involved in your hobby or your interests as this could help you to ease your depression while you pick up the pieces and move on with your life. When you are feeling depressed you will not want to do anything, rather you find it takes a lot of energy to do even simple tasks, but what is important that you do keep moving on and doing something that will break you out of the rut. So do get up take a shower and do get dressed and do what you have to do rather than succumb to the depressive state you are in.

Go smell the roses

When we get depressed we would rather stay indoors rather than go outside and admire the sky or the flowers in bloom, enjoying the sunshine on our faces, or even going for a brisk walk.  For some people they will experience more depression in the winter months as the sun rarely shines, and the skies are gray. So do your best to get out and about and absorb some sunshine and if any flowers are in bloom then stop and smell their heady fragrance. This will give you a more positive mood and help to ease the depression a little.

Play with your pets

When we are overwhelmed with depression more than likely you have ignored your pet or pets if you have them as you no doubt are to morose to bother with them.  You have isolated yourself and you are effectively pushing everyone who does love you away from you. And if you do live alone this is where you will experience even more loneliness as you have no access to another human being so do get involved with your pet, as they do love you unconditionally and without judgement. If you do not have a pet then do borrow somebody elses. Why not walk your neighbors dog for them with their permission of course. Having your pet around you can and will ease your depression.

Join a support group or any group that interests you

When you are suffering from depression it is good to join either a support group for depression or groups where you have similar interests as you interact and mingle with the other people you will feel their level of excitement and it will rub off on to you. No doubt you will find that people love to share their stories and ideas about your common likes etc. So when you are spending time with groups of people this will uplift your spirit, and will give you a purpose to help yourself recover from depression.

Exercise

It is important that you do something physically active, whether it is exercising, yoga, dance, meditation, swimming, zumba, walking just to name some this will get your body activated and your body will thank you for it and your depression will lift. You will feel good about accomplishing something that is physical and demanding, and it will give your mind a break from whatever it is that is plaguing you and from your depression. So when you do some form of physical exercise it does release endorphins which are natural mood and energy boosters.

Healthy food choices

Rather than eating heaps of junk food while you are depressed rather turn to eat wholesome healthy foods that will pick you up and nurture your body. So eat many small healthy snacks throughout the day as this will keep your energy and spirits up. Do limit any alcohol consumption and caffeine as they do affect your blood sugar levels and that is the last thing that you need when you are trying to get back into a happy state of mind. Do also remember to drink plenty of water, when you do not drink plenty of water you will feel fatigued and lifeless as you are dehydrated.

Choose to live in the present

When you are sad and depressed it involves thoughts that are in the past and not looking forward to a future, so it is better for you to have your thoughts for the day, say about for 20 mins then lock them away and spend the rest of your day being in the moment.

Of course for many it will be hard to do, but when you choose to do this leave your thoughts in day tight compartments you will find that the heaviness will lift and whatever is on your mind will go and of course your depression will start to lift as it does not dominate your whole day. So do be wise have your thoughts but then chose to close the door on them for the rest of the day and get on with your life.

Find your passion

If you are finding that you do not have a passion then start exploring in ways that will set the passion within you let it ignite. In this way you will look forward to every day as you start to engage in things that do make you smile and do contribute to your quality of life. Do seek out any activities that you do enjoy and do make them a priority, so go about and spend more time doing all the things that you really do like and less time on the things that take the life right out of you. Stop depression from robbing you of the life that you really do want and deserve. So start to day to make the change for all your tomorrows.

 

Understand And Get Rid Of Guilt For Good.

Got that guilt feeling

Got that guilt feeling

It is interesting to note that guilt and shame the symptoms of them are closely related to each other, as both do involve feelings of low self esteem. So it is not healthy to hang on to guilt and shame rather it is better to understand them and how they are affecting you and making the decision to heal those parts of you so you can let your self esteem become healthy. Also when you do get rid of guilt and shame your life will also improve as will your relationships with others.

When you experience guilt it relates to self blame, which will arise when you start to think that you have done something that is wrong, or that you have broken some sort of rule or if you have treated others badly. You will experience this painful emotion when you start to think that other people are blaming you for something or think that you are not a worthy person.

The Esteem gets affected

So the inevitable result of experiencing persistent guilt or shame is that you feel you are worthless, undeserving, and that you are lacking in many ways, so much less than other people. So what you will also experience is that when something does arise that you will not be able to cope effectively as guilt and shame take over and you will experience even more feelings of not being able to cope.

What the warning sign is behind guilt is that it does make us aware of things that we have done wrong, and does help us to develop a better sense of behavior and how it does affect ourselves and of course others. It gives us a prompt to re examine our behaviour so we do not repeat our mistakes. So what are the best ways in which you can combat any guilty feelings that you may have and accept them when they are important, but also to be able to let go of them more easily when they are not that important..

Recognize the kind of guilt you have and its purpose.

What guilt does is help us to grow and mature when our behaviour has been rather offensive or hurtful to ourselves and others. So when we feel guilty for saying something that is offensive to another person, or we focus on our career rather than our family or partner then this is a warning sign with a great purpose, i.e. change your behaviour or you will lose your family, friends or partner. Of course you can continue to choose to ignore your guilt, then you do so at your own risk. This can be identified as healthy or appropriate guilt as it does serve a purpose as it is trying to redirect your moral or behavioural compass.

The problems do arise when our behavior does not need to be re examined, nor does it need to be changed as an example many first time moms will feel badly at going back to work part time as they are concerned about the unknown damage to their little ones normal development, in most cases there is no cause for concern as your little one will develop normally. So there is nothing to feel guilty about yet we will continue to do so. This is identified as unhealthy or inappropriate guilt as it does not serve any rational purpose. So if you find that you are feeling guilty eating 5 icecreams in a row well your brain will try and get the message across to you about your behavior that you are being a little extreme if you do this regularly then this type of behavior can become self destructive and can be harmful to your well being. So the rational aspect of this guilt is trying to convince your to change your behavior.

Implement change the sooner the better.

If you find your guilt is for a specific and rational purpose then do take note and fix the problematic behavior as ongoing guilt will weigh you down as you try and move forward in life. When healthy guilt is telling you to do different to repair relationships that are important to us or our own self esteem, where as when experiencing unhealthy guilt it will only make you feel badly for no good reason. Even though we do know the lesson guilt is teaching us it will keep coming back until you have learned the lesson fully. So the quicker you make the change that is with your behavior ect the quicker the guilt will disappear and if you do succeed then it will never return for that issue again.

Do take responsibility for your actions .

So next time you do something that is wrong or hurtful, do accept that you cannot change the past but you can change the present and the future. Start by apologizing or try and make up for the inappropriate behavior, but also let it go. As the more you choose to focus on believing that you need to do more, this is where it will continue to bother you and interfere with your relationships with others.

Start to learn from your behaviors

Guilt’s main aim is not so much to make us feel bad for the sake of it but rather it is trying to get your attention so that you can learn from the experience. So the quicker you learn the better off you are. So if you hurt someone then your guilt will tell you to either apoligize to the person and also to think before you speak.

Nobody is perfect

No one on this planet is perfect so do not strive for perfection in any part of your life as you are setting yourself up for failure. Do realize that we all do make mistakes and will feel guilty about them. So do not spend days weeks or months of self blame or battering your self esteem as you should have known better and you could have acted differently etc. Just accept we all make mistakes and nobody is perfect.

 

 

 

Understanding The Effects Of Shame On You

Shame

Shame

To be able to understand exactly what shame is and the effects of shame one does need to understand that it is an emotion just like grief and fear and it can create strong physical pain. When you experience shame you will feel it in your body and actions as all you want to do is hide, disappear or even possibly say that you want to die, as you are feeling within yourself that you are a bad person. You find that you will also either hang your head, hunch down, and your shoulders will sag and you will not be able to look anyone in the eye. The reason for this is that you do believe that you are rotten to the core and why would anybody want to be around you.

Shame is seen as a social emotion just like guilt, pride and shyness, what shame does it helps us to stay good within a group, and it will punish you for the slightest imagined wrong doing.  What you will find is that shame is experienced in our childhood where you were shamed for anything that you did not do right, or that you did not exel in rather, than experiencing encouragement for all your efforts, you were shamed instead that you did not try hard enough. Shame also can be experienced throughout childhood with bad parenting, being neglected or being left alone for long periods of time, or not being loved, so as I child you would strive harder to get the love and care that you needed.

How we avoid shame

To true shame is a painful emotion to experience so we avoid feeling it at all costs, sometimes we will blame others just to escape the feeling such as saying “I did not do anything wrong he/she was wrong or “I wasn’t really trying” or “I do not care what people think”. So in essence we do our best to be perfect, make no errors, and are always generous, we tend to overachieve so no one can point a finger and say that we never tried or succeeded. So while we are busy trying to smother shame we are missing out on life as we are not allowing ourselves to  be spontaneous, feel genuine warmth and loving or much of anything else, we do not reach out for what does make us happy, or even remember what really does make us happy.

Experiencing shame in the young years

We can all remember at one time or another when we were young where we experienced shame, whether it was from family, friends, classmates or teachers. For many children it was about discovering that they were different and being teased about it as they were not accepted as the majority, such as having dark skin, or being too tall or too short, being poor, or had too many freckles, or they could not speak the language well the list can go on and on. So more than likely they would have experienced shame from these things.

Looking at shame

The best thing that you can do for yourself when you are dealing with shame and all that comes with it is to have some understanding by looking into your childhood and understanding your parents, no doubt they repeated cycles of their family life and there can be times where they themselves had a terrible shameful experience in their childhood which made them the person they were, making you feel constantly ashamed as they were trying to cover their own shame.

Do also try and work out what emotions do seem most shameful to you, such as crying, being sad, being afraid or anxious, anger, enthusiasm, pride, curiosity, or being depressed that you do bring other people down, etc.

Now stop to consider how you have set your life up to avoid doing these specific things. What parts of yourself have you turned off, such as your funny self, the part of you that knows what makes you happy? Or the part of you that is able to set boundaries and you are able to say “I have had enough of this”. Do you find that when you are alone that you are free from that emotion, or does it still linger and bother you. Shame can tear your soul apart.

Healing shame

It is important that adults that have been victims of verbal, physical and sexual abuse were the victims of adults. It is not their fault that all it happened to them, so do have compassion for self and stop blaming yourself and feeling shame that initially was perpetrated on you by an adult when you were a child.

There are many ways in which you can start the journey to heal the shame inside you and set yourself free once and for all. Listed below are ways in which you can get help to help heal

  • EMDR – Eye movement desensitization reprogramming
  • EFT – Emotionally focused therapy
  • Counselling
  • Aromatherapy
  • Reiki
  • Acupuncture
  • Accupressure point therapy

In conclusion

So do consider outside help if your shame is too great do not suffer any longer in silence and let your life slip you by. Do understand that it is important that you find courage within to let go of your painful shame. Do also realize that there are many people out there in this big wide world who also have experienced shame in varying degrees through out life. So be strong and get all the help you need to set your free and then you can shine and live a fulfilling life.

 

Beauty Guidance For Real Beauty

Audrey Hepburn the woman who has inner and outer beauty

Audrey Hepburn the woman who has inner and outer beauty

What is true beauty? It is difficult to define, but we all understand what it is. In a lot of societies, beauty that is physical has its "acceptable norms" where as these norms would differ with other cultures. It can be difficult to really define when asked what does beautiful mean to you. For example when a beautiful woman is pointed out in a group, women and men can do this easily and sponteniously. As the saying goes, when it comes to great beauty, we will know it when we see it and with beauty guidance you will get to know how to get true inner beauty.
 
 But you do need to be aware that there are people that would not admire beauty the same way. Beauty is a subjective experience. What it associates with is a persons feeling of attraction and emotions of well being. There is a saying often heard that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". It has been a fact that society has an expectation of women's beauty, which becomes an expectation, and women have a tendency to compare themselves to this.
 
 So how is beauty truly defined? My best guess is, if we were to talk about women, it is the physical qualities that she possesses. It is the capability of a woman to be able to give gratification and enjoyment to a person's senses. The admirer's positive feeling of pleasure or goodness is usually derived from the woman's body shape, clothes that she wears or how attractive her facial features are, amongst others.
 
More important though is beauty can also be about a woman's personality. It is about her having compassion and able to assist others, a person that you can cry on their shoulder and has respect for others and self respect, able to show kindness to people and animals, shows love to others and able to love herself. This is described as inner beauty which comes about from having the right dose of self-confidence and a healthy self-esteem.
 
 While this is not usually the first thing that comes to our mind when we talk about beauty, inner beauty plays just as an important role in how beautiful a person appears to be. Maybe more so than outer beauty does.
 
 Inner beauty is not something that unattractive people say to our self to feel better. It is the inner beauty that can be more so captivating than the outer beauty of appearance.
 
True inner beauty may be described as something that is experienced through a person's character rather than by appearances. It is the real beauty of a person that goes far beyond just physical appearances.
 
 When a woman has her inner belief that they are attractive this will definately be more appealing to other people. There is a glow of aplomb and physical attractiveness that radiates from within her. There are people that are not what you would call physically attractive but it is their glowing confidence and their healthy self esteem that does make them appear attractive to the opposite sex.
 
 What you need to be aware of is that first impressions do not always depend on your facial features and physique. You do have to believe that it is from within ourselves. This is where true beauty resides. When a conversation occurs between people automatically we assess each other as a pleasant or not so pleasant person. While the conversation progresses between people each will pick up on the qualities and traits that will emanate and this is where people will see a persona as more beautiful or charming.
 
 If we are able to love, appreciate and have feel good feelings about ourselves, we would therefore feel more confident facing and mixing with other people. The outer beauty does attract many glances but it is the inner beauty that will always make someone stay. This is the true essence of healthy self esteem.
 
 Naturally, we will notice a person's physical appearance first. However, when a woman have bright eyes that flicker, a smile that warms the heart, a radiant glow that surrounds her when she walks into a room; she has obviously harnessed her inner beauty.
 
 The uniqueness of inner beauty is that unlike our outward appearance, it does not go grey, wrinkle or diminish with age. It will only radiates stronger as we cultivate it.
 
 It is only as this happens that you will see your self as a beautiful woman.

True Beauty Quotes

Beauty quotes

Beauty quotes

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years. audrey hepburn “The way you treat people who are in no position to help you, further you, or benefit you reveals the true state of your heart.”

― Mandy Hale, T

 

“Boys think girls are like books, If the cover doesn't catch their eye they won't bother to read what's inside".”

― Marilyn Monroe

 

“No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful.”

― Eleanor Roosevelt

 

“Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.”

― Kahlil Gibran

 

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”

― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

 

“Outer beauty attracts, but inner beauty captivates.”

― Kate Angell,

 

“Outer beauty pleases the EYE. Inner beauty captivates the HEART.”

― Mandy Hale,

Beauty quotes

Beauty quotes


Beauty is Soul deep. Outer Beauty attracts, But inner Beauty Radiates! Beauty is reflective of thy Soul!”

― Alicia Kirkpatrick

 

“You’ve gotta love yourself enough to look INSIDE you & not BESIDE you for your joy, confidence, & self worth.”

― Mandy Hale

 

“You’re beautiful, just the way you are. Shine on. And dare anyone to turn off the lights.”

― Mandy Hale,